Sometimes I have found myself in a swirl, a downward spiral of thought, typically triggered by ‘something’.
That ‘something’ often times being some physical manifestation present or absent. Like my body has “too much” fat or my bank account has “too little” money.
When I focus on these perceptions thoughts swirl in fear and disgust and immediately accompanied with body sensations; all of which – do not – feel good.
And in this moment there is choice. Hell there is always choice. There is choice even before I reach thoughts of fear and body sensations. Choice to continue thoughts in a downward spiral or to stop and be with myself.
The moment fear kicks in I am somewhere else; some other day, maybe a week from now, month, year, or even 20 years from now.
The moment I stop and be with myself a shift occurs. I listen to whatever I need to say and I inquire and look about for what’s actually true for me. How do I know what’s true for me? By the way I feel. See lies, fears, worry, doubt, etc always land in the world of “does not feel good”. Truth, who I really am, what’s actually happening always lives in the world of “calmness, clarity, feel good”.
I must share, that I don’t stop and shove POSITIVITY onto myself, especially if there is something within me that needs to be heard and/or felt. You see just because something isn’t feeling good, doesn’t mean it needs to be ran from or pushed aside. Quite the opposite actually. It (Me) needs to be heard and felt. And it’s not usually the need to be heard or felt by someone else, it’s the need to be heard and felt by Self.
The most powerful tool I have accessed in any of my moments of fear, worry, doubt, anger, etc is to be with the emotion and listen to what part of me needs to be expressed.
How can this be done? How can you do this?
In any moment you find yourself in not so feeling good moment and you have the awareness to say, “oh boy, I feel this way and it’s about X again” or some variation..
In that awareness just start talking to you.. “what am I feeling? What’s it really about? What do I have to say about this? What really going on here?”.
Get so fucking curious with you about you. Like how in Soap Operas the characters are so interested in each other’s business. Get that way about you. You be interested in you about what’s really going on.
Journal about it, go for a walk, meditate, swim, yell, drink some water. The other day I walked through the Forest being with anger that was in response to something someone said. I observed my thoughts, walked and said “fuck you” outloud about 20 times. I didn’t try to make it go away or make it wrong. I just experienced it and let it FLOW. I also chosen physical movement to go along with it. Not because I had to, because it felt right.
Once you’ve felt and communicated with you and it feels complete → THEN your clearing of focusing on what is desired has space to thrive. Then you have a smoother foundation for “positivity”.
📍 Gdansk, Poland
📸 with my Google Pixel 3